Readers’ resolutions...for others

Last week, when readers were asked to make a new year’s resolution for someone else, I figured – wow! – here’s an opportunity to fix another person’s bad habits! There sure are plenty of those happening in everyone’s house, so I figured those of us who are perfect would let it rip. We’d let everyone who reads this newspaper know just what kind of weirdos we’re living with.

In my case, I have whole lists of resolutions I’d make for family members. Flaws that need repair, bad habits that need to be broken, improvements that need to be made.

Therefore...

I hereby resolve that beginning today, my grandson will shut the door, flush the toilet, quit licking that rock, get down from there, turn off the light, get his hands off the window, take that out of his mouth, and quit shaving his eyebrows. (Why? Why?)

Furthermore...

I hereby resolve that beginning today, my dogs Scout and Ozzie will quit drinking out of the toilet, quit licking that body part, get down from there, get their noses off the window, spit that out, and if they have to puke get off the rug.

And finally...

I hereby resolve that beginning today, my husband will shut the door, put the toilet seat down, turn off the light, quit touching the window, get down from there, quit spitting that out, and if he has to puke get off the rug.

In truth, there’s only one person I make a resolution for each year – myself. And it’s always the same resolution: Be more like Devon.

Devon is my granddaughter. She’s now 15 years old, but she has always been patient, judicious, smart, outstanding with tools, funny, kind, sensible, and optimistic. When we are faced with a problem, it is often Devon who says, “We’ll figure it out, Grammy.”

She’s also strangely unwilling to swear. When we’re in need of a jacket or a tent or some weight-lifting equipment, she says, “Let’s go to Richard’s Sporting Goods.” I’m still working on being more like her, but it’s an uphill battle.

Many of the resolutions that readers shared with us hold the same hopeful kindness for others that I see in Devon. They want the best for those they love (although there are a few dog owners and neighbors who’d like to see some better manners, dammit). Their responses follow.

Meanwhile, happy new year a few days late. I’m hopeful that this year will be an improvement over last. In fact, now that 2023 is here I’d like it to shut the door, sit down, be quiet, and quit touching things.

As for me, I need a few new tennis balls for Scout and Ozzie, so I’m off to Dic... I mean Richard’s.

-Beth Quinn

Readers’ Resolutions for Others

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my son to take a positive life path, realize how much worth he has, and to rely less on external crutches such as alcohol.

- Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my husband to worry less about the future and spend more energy on finding joy today.

- Mrs. Periwinkle

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my neighbor to bring any/all of their 5 dogs in after doing their business in the yard BEFORE they’ve barked long enough to wake the neighbors.

- Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my husband to consume less alcohol

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my dog: Try to stop snoring so loud while mom and dad are watching tv!

-Dennis M.

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my friend to finally do what makes her happy instead of putting herself last...take the happiness she deserves and never settle for less.

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my husband to exercise with me!

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for m son to be more confident in himself

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my fellow residents to stop littering! Our roads are full of trash and it’s disgusting. Have some pride in your community.

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my wife: SHOP LESS

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my dog to stop eating the grass, complete with roots, that is in the backyard.

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my sister to spend thirty minutes everyday organizing

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my daughter to stand tall, be kind, and see yourself they way I see you, with eyes of absolute love and acceptance.

-Anonymous

I’d like to choose a New Year’s resolution for my husband to turn off the house lights.

-Anonymous